nan | 楠木

    This is for all you ASICers.

    I am almost certain that I heard ASIC first in the "As I See" form, earlier than the digital systems derived title pronunciation. And I still like the innovative "As I See", which goes with the perfect logo of our association. Very neat.

    So I guess the title is just a hoax (not very original, heh? You must have guessed it before this), and I plan to roam around a bit, chatting about our beloved ASIC.

    I am honoured to be a old member. Not that it really means anything, perhaps beyond bringing me the common sense of pride that you find in a "old-comer". I find it just very enjoying to have found a group of people that I really do care about, and who do care about me in return. ASIC is just one big family, in some ways even better than your class or your department―― here truly everyone has the same goal, and everyone commits to achieving that goal and making our family better.

    It’s surprising how time can just "whoosh" past without you noticing. Already we have new faces in our family. Not just new, but eager and energetic. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting old, hah, though this kind of talk will land me in a world of b4s from the truly "senior" members, hoho. I mean no offence by the way. Anyhow it’s good to have new members who bring with them that "rush of blood to the face" kind of energy; I myself feel revived; and it’s never a bad thing to have some members you can boss around…

    Not that I’m bossy or anything; you guys know me best. Sometimes all I want to do is see your faces and joke with you all day long, though this is not constructive or productive at all. Come to think of it, I never did know what kind of impression I made when I did the English interviews; I sincerly think I was friendly enough despite the "btness" of the topics―― but that’s just my own self judgement. Hope I didn’t make myself a villian in anybody’s mind…

    So maybe I should do some serious talking for a bit. ASIC has indeed changed me in ways more than one. Through our family I got to know a lot of truly great friends, the kind which you just can’t get enogh of. Also there have been many occasions where my skills were put to the test―― and I thoroughly cherish these opportunities to practice and improve myself. Practice makes perfect―― very true a motto, and I like to put it to use.

    But enough of this already. I’m sure my poor words has already confused a lot of you, so I’ll stop now, and you can go on trying to figure out what ASIC truly stands for. Experience your life change through ASIC…

    抛开华丽的色彩，抛开离奇的幻想，电影《大鱼》所讲的，就是一对父子的故事。

    年轻的父亲喜欢给他年幼的儿子讲故事，故事的主人公便是父亲自己，故事的内容是他的经历――只是这样讲来，在父亲眼里觉得无趣，于是他便将故事变成了一个个童话，自己就是这些童话的主人。

    儿子长大了，父亲却还在讲那些童话。终于有一天儿子意识到父亲所讲的，并非是事实，而仅仅是故事――就像圣诞老人并不真的存在那样――父子的关系，埋下了裂痕的种子。

    儿子要结婚了。在盛大的结婚晚宴上，父亲又讲起了大鱼的故事，说在儿子出生的那一天，他在河里钓鱼，钓那条著名的从不上钩的大鱼。他试了所有的诱饵，可是大鱼就是不上当；他想起人们传说那条鱼其实就是以前的一个小偷的幽灵，于是他便用金子――自己的婚戒――做诱饵；可是聪明的母鱼一下子就把金戒吞去――焦虑的父亲费尽周折，总算拿回了戒指，也因此悟到："Sometimes the only way to catch an uncatchable woman, is to offer her a wedding ring."

    儿子不满父亲成为了晚宴的主角，不满父亲讲那个讲了无数遍的故事――于是婚后的他与他的法国太太去了巴黎，而他三年也没再与父亲说过一句话。

    父亲病重。儿子回来了，他其实太想知道，自己的父亲究竟是个怎样的人――如他自己所说，冰山的90％都在水面下，他能看到的，同样也只是他父亲露出水面的那10％。他回忆起父亲的那些故事，又去找了父亲故事里的人。父亲的形象，终于完整地展现在他面前。

    病危的父亲，要儿子给他讲他如何死去的故事――因为父亲曾经讲过，他童年的时候拜访了一个女巫，看到了自己如何死去。儿子说，你没有给我讲过这段；父亲说，你讲吧。

    从不讲故事的儿子，像他父亲那样，讲了一个完美的故事：他携父亲逃离医院，开着父亲的那辆老跑车前往河边，在那里，父亲所讲的每一个故事里的所有人都在等他，大家一起祝福他，向他道别。儿子抱着父亲走进河里，父亲把自己的婚戒摘下给心爱的太太，随后潜入水中，化身为一条大鱼游向远方……

    父亲走了。

    在葬礼上，父亲的每个童话里的每个人，真的都来了。大家一起回忆着父亲的那些故事，谁都没有一丝的忧伤。多年以后，儿子向自己的儿子，继续讲着那些故事。

    Tim Burton的电影，从来就不会缺乏色彩与想象力，其实他的电影，也是童话，拍给成人看的童话，譬如那部带着淡淡忧伤的《剪刀手爱德华》。《大鱼》的画面，同样丰富多彩，电影的内容远比我上面的这点文字丰富，讲述的那些童话本身就是一个个吸引人的小篇章。这样绚烂的童话大抵只有Burton拍的出来，再佐之以一个完美的演员阵容，这部电影有太多令我欣赏的地方。

    但感动我的还是故事的核心，这对父子的感情。我便想，其实我对我的父亲，又有几分了解呢？我是不是也只看到了水面上的那10％？父亲那么多的品质，我真的知晓么？父亲的一些作为，我真的理解么？其实，心目中父亲的高大的形象，似乎从来就只有一个鲜明的轮廓，而我却并未能看清其中的全部。嗯，决定要和父亲一起看这部电影。

    《蝴蝶效应》不是一部完美的影片――事实上它离完美很远，连一部优秀的影片都不能算；在林林总总的电影作品中，或许它很快就会被遗忘――然而我不得不承认，这部片子让我感动了。

    我看电影从来是感性大于理性。因此，《蝴蝶效应》那诸多可笑的情节漏洞（至少可称之为经不起推敲的一些细节）我可以不理睬。况且在完全不了解内容的前提下看这部片子，我还真没有太多闲暇去仔细想（有一些漏洞太过明显，自己也感觉到了）。影片是在电脑上看的，由于有事，所以我是分段看的，剩下了最后的15分钟是后来才看完的――这种观影过程，使我对影片的看法发生了一些变化。

    简单说一下情节吧。影片的主人公，Evan（Ashton Kutcher饰，我土，我直到片尾字幕出来才意识到这就是泡Demi Moore的那位仁兄）的童年并不愉快，他有一种奇怪的病，记忆会有短时的完全空白，而他与他的三个童年伙伴（Kayleigh & Tommy，兄妹，以及Lenny）的一些经历也给他留下了很大的阴影。进入大学后的他发现，他可以通过专注地阅读自己的日记，使自己重回到日记所记录的内容的那个时刻，从而可以更改自己以及别人的经历。他的每一次的这种尝试，都是为了“纠正某个错误”，但是我们会发现他的行为同时又产生了新的麻烦，而这便是片名借用混沌理论的由来。

    这并不是一部科幻片。影片里从未试图对他的这种能力提供一种科学解释，而是仅仅提供了一种假设，即某人有此能力，然后把重点放在他和他试图改变的事情上。我们现实中经常会说，“假如当初我怎样怎样”，“我真后悔当初……”，而这部影片便让我们看到，如果我们能够改变“当初”，会是怎样的一种情况。我们会更幸福么？我们会更快乐么？按照影片的观点，我们不会。任何一种行为，都有相应的代价，而我们的主人公，在试图做了那么多的弥补后，离他自己的幸福却越来越远。（看过影片的朋友可能会有不同的看法，我后面会对影片的结尾简单评论一下。）

    插一句，这里便到了我想说的一个问题。看片过程中我的一个思考就是，如果我的某种行为，结局使得周围所有的人都很幸福，而惟独会使我得不到快乐，那么我是否会去做这样的一件事。这的确是很高尚的行为――但我想我做不到（为革命牺牲等涉及生死的行为除外吧，我是指一般生活中的选择与放弃）。我承认我的自私，我很难不顾及我自己的快乐；又或者，我会很在意究竟谁得到了幸福，若是我爱对方甚过爱己（广泛意义上的爱），那么也许我会觉得是值得的。跑题了。

    最后点一下影片的结尾。我前面并没有详述情节，这里也尽量不把结尾漏太多（这是大忌，呵呵，所谓spoiler是也）。不过我看到很多影迷和影评的讨论中都对结尾大为不满，似乎影片最后为Evan强加了一个美满的结局，但就我本人而言，这个结局很好――大家可以想想，Evan牺牲了什么，得到了什么。如果这世界上有所谓的真爱，有所谓的the love of your life，那么，Evan放弃的就是这个――残酷的是，他的动机正是因为他爱对方，甚至胜过爱自己。

    套用一个影评的一句话，the film is about regrets. 一针见血。我们每个人的一生，都难免会有遗憾，某个机遇的白白浪费，某句不该说的话，某个不应错过的女孩――我们要为自己的每个行为负责，要把握每个点滴，才能减少这种遗憾；我们亦不应活在遗憾的阴影中，因为遗憾的只是过去，而明天尚未来临。

    影片片尾，oasis的那首经典的"Stop Crying Your Heart Out"的前奏响起时，我知道我被刺痛了。The film is about regrets…

    Some films bring tears to your eyes with deep emotion and true sadness; some films make you laugh out heartedly with quick wit and genius humour; some other films just give you the shocking truth, and let the truth speak for itself– "City of God" is such a film.

    I prefer films in English over other languages (except Chinese, of course), not because I find it tiring watching subtitles but because I feel that often the subtitles do not portray the true picture, the real feelings in the words of the actors and actresses. But this dislike didn’t hinder my full enjoyment of this film.

    But enjoyment is not the word to use– there is no pleasure in watching this two-hour-long tour de violence. There are too many things to shock you– the sheer state of the poverty; the cold violence that’s just around the corner; the illiterate children growing into a new batch of gangsters…

    In vain did I try to plot a reason for all this. There can be no simple explanation why City of God is what it is, a dismal place that goes against its name, filled with gangsters who are just all too trigger-happy. The police is no better than the mob. Justice is twisted, or to be honest, there is no justice except that of God’s, which He seldom delivers to make things count.

    But for the readers of this "blah blah blah" who haven’t seen the film, here’s a brief outlook– this film portrays the everyday life in the City of God (a chaotic place struck with poverty), and through the eyes of a kid who grows up to be a professional photographer, we see the story of a gang war, and the mob life in general. This is not the first film of its kind– I can relate to "Goodfellas", and in ways more than one– but it is solid and more than delivers a haunting reality. The film doesn’t show the happenings in the City of God– it makes you feel you are in there.

    And after watching, I’m left still trying to figure out why people can just resort to such violence. The world is far from perfect.

    One thing that I’m sincerly fearing right now, is that I’m becoming a Linkin Park addict.

    Can’t remember the first song I heard. Probably "Papercut" or "Points of Authority". Probably I didn’t like it then, or maybe I found it hard to accept yet interesting. Anywise the first album, "Hybrid Theory" would have been too heavy for me to accept it then.

    "Reanimation" I also did not find attractive, but definitely cool. The MVs were very cool indeed, and the electronicfied music just perfectly fit in to the visual effects. Very, very "in". Still I had not heard anything that I could say as music that I liked.

   Then "Metoera" came out, and I saw the "Numb" MV on the Billboard Countdown. A instant hit for me. The lyrics were old but the song was perfect. This was, and still is the definitive Linkin Park song for me, the song that made me a fan. Then I decided to check out all of their songs, and somehow I just liked them, all of them.

    "Live in Texas" is a very cool dvd. Finally I knew what Linkin Park is all about. Chester’s enigmatic voice seems to be all-invincible and never-tiring. My anger is his anger, and his voice lets out his anger, and in turn, I feel that I’m relieved of my pain and anger. The dvd is also special in that it made nearly all of my roommates LP fans. Chester’s vocal just blew them away.

    A few weeks back there was a Karaoke Contest, and I very much wanted to sing "In the End" with my roomies. I could say that I mastered Mike’s rap, but no one could do Chester’s vocal, or at least do it in a way that could make us all satisfied. Shame, yet during this time I must have listened to "In the End" a million times, memorizing the rap lyrics, and the song seems to have grown in me. What a special song―― and perhaps it is only fitting to end this one with the lyrics:

"In the End"  by Linkin Park

It starts with one…
One thing,
I don’t know why,
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try,
Keep that in mind,
I designed this rhyme,
To explain in due time,
All I know,
Time is a valuable thing,
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings,
Watch it count down ’till the end of the day,
The clock ticks life away,
It’s so unreal,
You didn’t look out below,
Watch the time go right out the window,
Trying to hold on,
Didn’t even know, I wasted it all,
Just to watch you go,
I kept everything inside,
And even know I tried,
It all fell apart,
What it meant to be,
Will eventually be,
A memory of a time, when ,

I tried so hard and got so far,
But in the end,
It doesn’t even matter,
I had to fall,
To lose it all,
But in the end,
It doesn’t even matter…

    才发现已经一周没有新东西了，这怎么可以！

    其实是因为这一周颇不宁静，各种事情不断，到了今天总算有点时间写点东西。嗯，现下脑子里只有一件事情要写：班级篮球队杀进系联赛决赛了！

    呵，我们系四个年级大概有四十来个班，能杀进决赛决然不是什么轻而易举的事情，所以我才也会被感染而想痛快地庆祝。不过还早，周一的决赛，我们志在必得！

    今天的比赛挺残酷的。我们班显然实力更强，无论内外的绝对实力都比对方强，尤其我们的中锋chenff对方一点办法也没有。不过他上半场就陷入了foul trouble，4次犯规让我们捉襟见肘（我们的规则，5次犯满罚下）。对方的拼搏精神可嘉，内线实力不足的情况下强冲前场篮版多次（虽然很多是3 second violation，无奈裁判不吹）。开场双方命中率都很差，我们班首先找到准头，但对方也随即还以颜色，半场比分18:13，领先5分。

    中场的女生罚篮，真想不到我们班的mm们5罚2中，为我们添加了两分，赞！

    20:13进入下半场，我们进行了换人，由“最佳第六人”suiyecc（哈哈――此笑的原因不足道也）顶替4犯的中锋。这本来是对方追分的机会，但我们的防守依然凶悍，而patrick则找到了投篮感觉，连续两个好球将比分拉大到24:13。此后kobebsh贡献了一个被误记为两分的三分球（起跳在线外，落地在线内，但对方球员认为是两分，场面有点混乱，最终记为两分），奠定了此后比赛的基调。

    在比赛收关阶段，对方依然顽强拼搏，令人钦佩，而本班则出现了一些问题。下半场才上场的suiyecc5次犯满，贡献两分，不过防守非常出力，充分贯彻了战术思想，值得称道。chenff再次上场后，对方全场紧逼，而我们班连续失误，一度被追到只领先5分。不过对方开始实施犯规战术后，我方稳住了阵脚，平时罚球10罚10中的kobebsh稳稳得分，而chenff又补了一个篮，最终比分38:29。

    嗯，决赛的对手，明天就可以知道了，另一场半决赛的两支球队，一支是同级的去年级联赛最终压过我们的班级，另一支是大四的传统强队（热身赛我们失利），无论遇上谁，势必都是一场苦战，但越是苦战，我们越是期待。这就是我们的球队。

这几天园子里还真颇不宁静。如题所示，我在此欲略论“暖瓶事件”，但主要想借题发挥一下谈谈对一些更广的事情的看法。所有观点纯属个人意见。

我所谓的“暖瓶事件”，就是这两天惹得“本科生”、“研究生”称呼满头飞的那件事（大抵如此，一位本科生骑车撞了一位研究生，致使暖瓶打破，二人就赔偿问题意见相左，发展为水木上对“研究生”、“本科生”“素质”的置疑和争论）。我不想就事论事，因为事件我并没有亲见，看到的只是特快、研究生版上的各种说法。这并不表示我没有看法，不过与我想要说的无关，只会无端引来争议，不提也罢。

那我到底想说什么？

请看这几组短语：本科生――研究生，北京生员――外地生员，所谓“两清团”（于我是个新词）――从外校考研来清华的，城里学生――农村学生……

我觉得我已经把意思表达的很清楚了。本就是一个园子里的人，都是学生，有时何必分的那么清楚？大多数时候，分的清清楚楚没有任何意义，而这些词组成对出现的时候，总意味着争吵和漫骂。当一些不愉快的事情发生的时候，我们似乎总习惯于把问题定位于对方的“身世”，似乎这样便一针见血地点出了问题的实质。然而果真如此么？

简单的这种“族群”式划分，是对清华的分裂。清华里有很多很多学生，难保个别同学的某些习惯或行为不符合我们通常的标准，甚至是完全违背的（严重者可能到了违反法律的地步）。但以个别人的行为去推论某个大的集体的全体学生的品质，无疑是可笑而幼稚的。或许大家是在图一时的口舌之快，但在这种伤害同学感情的问题上，希望大家都严谨些。

我们不希望社会因为某个个人的行为去衡量整个清华；同理我们也就不应该以某个个人的行为去衡量清华里的一个子集合。我们都是清华人，同在一个园子里，互相包容些，互相尊重，互相理解，当然也要首先自重，这样我们的清华园才会更好。

附：本想就一些网友的言论评论一下的，不过拙作”untitled, until I come up with something better“里其实已经讨论了这个问题，无须重复，简而言之就是我们说话做事首先都要尊重别人才好。

    家离清华很近，就在北门外。昨天晚上照例跑回家，上水木，才想起晚上会停电。

    零点的停电如期而至。躺在沙发上，黑暗中有些无聊，又不想睡。

    手机响了，短信。

    “紫荆停电，四面八方尽是鬼哭狼嚎，黑暗之中猥亵之人极其变态，千万不要回来，切记！！！”

    呵，有哥们就是好。

    我便打起注意，万籁俱寂之中果然暗藏杀机，从紫荆公寓方向传来的阵阵哀嚎清晰可闻，唯惜距离太远听不得内容。我不禁哑然，发生什么惨绝人寰的事了？又倍感遗憾，错过了这样的大场面。

    来电之后，水木上果已沸腾了，也大抵了解了一些情况，不过最精彩的还是下午到宿舍考察现场时知道的。宿舍的哥们果有参与战斗的（亦有洁身自好者），比较可怜的是当时在1＃、2＃之间的那对情侣，硬是被1＃的万道光芒拆了伙，那位男生回了2＃，众人犹不肯放过mm，手电护送人家回宿舍。唉，还真是当“灯泡”。

    5＃、6＃的对峙也听到了一些，其实唱唱歌也就罢了，倘若真有破口大骂的，忒失清华风范。亦有mm抱怨打扰休息，这一点倒是确定无疑的。其实偶尔闹一闹也无甚大碍，不过确是不应影响他人，尤其夜深人静之际。

    呵，对凌晨的鬼哭狼嚎，其实没什么大的看法，也许我们的生活的确缺乏刺激，不过，心里应该先想着别人。就这些。

    21岁生日过去了。早上没有课，起的挺晚，在床上躺着，发呆。

    下来到厅里，昨夜杯盘狼藉的景象依旧，空了的干白酒瓶，蛋糕包装，还有果皮。不禁笑了，原来颓废也是一种幸福。

    嗯，原来熄灯也是一种幸福，可以心安理得地点上蜡烛，而不会显得做作。狭窄的厅里，站着九个臭烘烘脏兮兮的男生，眼睛里都放着异样的色彩，盯着桌子上的猎物。呵，搞笑了，不过当身边摆着利器的时候，分赃最好要公允一点，否则谁知道后果会如何？

    其实和很多同学一起如此这般奢侈地过生日，倒可能是头一次，因为以往一向是和父母安安静静地过的，简简单单。同学叫我许愿，那便许吧，不过这里不能说出来，要不就不准了，不是嘛？呵，总之是很美好，很单纯的幸福，希望能实现。我的要求并不高。

    看来我是一个容易满足的人，今天每次从客厅过去串隔壁宿舍，都会微笑。嗯，每天都这样快乐才好。

    I never did read any of Philip Dick’s science fiction, which must be a great loss, but still I can get a glimpse of his magnificience through movie adaptations. Paycheck is the latest in the line, this time directed by John Woo.

    I still remember John Woo as the director who directed films like A Better Tomorrow, based in Hong Kong, rather than a director based in Hollywood who directed MI:2. Hollywood action is different from Hong Kong action, and John Woo just doesn’t produce the same kind of magic anymore. After watching this film I felt that he wasn’t the man for the film.

    Paycheck, from what I grasp from this current film, should be a psychological sci-fi thriller. A man loses his memory– but before he loses it he leaves himself enough clues and tools to solve the mystery, and eventually "save the world". What intrigues me is how he puts the pieces together, not in what style does he give the next baddie a good beating. John Woo seems to have gotten it the other way– there’s too much focus on action, and it makes the film lose the feel of a psycho-thriller.

    That said, the film is still on solid ground. The flow of the film is good, there’s twists and turns, and the audience is kept busy trying to figure out how our hero is going to use the items he left for himself. The music score has nothing new to offer for a sci-fi thriller, but does a good job of delivering the suspense. The photography is good, very clear story-telling. If only there were less action. And John Woo just couldn’t resist putting yet another flying pigeon in the film. Too much of a good thing.

    Anyway a decent film, and well worth watching, especially if you don’t know the story. And finally, one ethical question comes to mind– would you sacrifice your memory for money?