nan | 楠木

    I wanted to revise for tomorrow’s exam, then I found that my head was still full of English, so why not write a script for the speech contest next week?… Then I found I had absolutely no idea what to say, well, leave it till next week then, might as well write my thoughts.

    So much have happened in just so short a time. To put an end to something, then trying to forget it as quickly as possible, is not easy at all, but I think I’ve done well. So have others, apparently. These days it seems all I see on SMTH blog are stories of endings, hands no longer holding together, lovers turning into friends. Melancholy as it may appear, on the exterior, perhaps that’s what life is, and this is simply the season of heartbreak.

    When these stories happen to other people, I feel sorry for them– it’s always sad that people who had so much to cherish together choose to end that mutual affection, replacing it with something less; when it happens to me, the feeling is different, a hundred emotions boiling inside, yet not simply pain or sadness. Of course there’s pain; but back then (it already seems like centuries ago) when I finally made that decision to let go, pain was instantly no more; the agony ended there and then, just like that, a clap of the hands, vanishing in a split second. The depression, though, lasted a bit longer, probably out of self-pity, feeling I had failed, somewhat.

    But did I really fail? I don’t think so. In retrospect, I’d say there’s no such thing as failure when it comes to this, unless indeed serious mistakes have been made. Did I make mistakes, if any? No. Looking back at every step I took, arguably I might have done better at some parts, but on the whole I’d still go in the same direction, even if there’s a miracle that allows me to relive my life. The road I take, I do not regret. However the outcome, I knew I was following my true feelings.

    Autumn may indeed be the season of heartbreak. The other day when I rode home, alone, I suddenly realized that the leaves had fallen, that autumn was already present. The fallen leaves on the ground, oh how I loved them when it was but a few years back; now I can’t help but feel a subtle sadness, as if surely all things beautiful and lovable in this world will end someday. Nothing lasts, and that feels so depressing.

    But then again, there’s always spring to look forward to. Indeed, though winter may be grueling and hard to bear, the grass will be green again, just like the flowers will bloom again come May. Perhaps that’s what life is, cycles and cycles of the same process, year after year, day after day, second after second, and there will always be heartbreak and grief, repeating itself, but we should never let ourselves get stuck in a moment of sorrow– don’t forget that joy and happiness repeats itself too in this circle of life, and we don’t want to miss any of that, do we?

    Season of heartbreak, don’t overlook the happiness that’s still there.