nan | 楠木

I make it a point not to write about films that I’ve only seen partially (I only saw parts of the last 30 minutes of this film), but I’ll always make an exception for a film as extraordinarily bad as this lamely titled I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer.

For those of you unfamiliar with the history, around the mid 90s there was a wave of teen slasher films with Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer being two of the more notable examples. The concept was simple: have some young (and hot) girls (and boys) getting stalked by some deeply sinister characters who likes to kill with cold metal weapons (a fisherman perpetually dressed in a black raincoat who kills with a steel hook, in the Last Summer franchise). The same concept has existed at least since the seventies (since Halloween), but in the nineties there was a revival of sorts, as far as I can tell.

Anyway, the original I Know What You Did Last Summer (I’m tired of typing this shit already) was a mediocre film – one which I did see in full. It did get some things right, such as the cast – the incredibly persuasive Jennifer Love Hewitt (her eyes can kill), Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Philippe and Freddie Prinze Jr. – which I have to admit is very good for a teen movie. But on the whole it was a lackluster effort. But somehow it spawned a sequel.

And ten years later, it spawned another. Indeed, the one and only thing that I’ll Always Know proves is that if there’s anything in the real world that is analogical to the horror movie characters which are incapable of dying, then it has to be the abundance of stupid ideas for films. First off, what’s with the title? Can anyone be expected to take this film seriously? Just read the three titles:

• I Know What You Did Last Summer
• I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
• I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer

The first title sounds a bit scary – come on, give it a bit of credit, having a stalker who knows your dark secrets is somewhat scary, no? The second title is half scary and half mockery. There’s that “not again” sentiment lurking somewhere. The third title is downright hilarious. Who cares if you know? And you’ll always know? So?

And then there’s the stupid scenes. I only saw like 20 minutes, but there were already tons of stupidity thrown at me. The fisherman can never die: a cop unloads rounds of shotgun at the fella and he doesn’t even wince – hell, even the biggest badass of ‘em all, the terminator Arnie himself can be stopped with a shotgun. And then there’s this scene where the two girls and one guy were fleeing together, and the next thing one of the girls is alone, and of course gets whacked. How did that happen?

I think I’ll stop here. I must be breaking a record somewhere actually, for actually writing a review on this crap. Suffice to say, I’m in a bad mood and this is no more than an excuse to vent out some of my foulness. Anyway, stay away from this film – if stupidity were contagious then you’d be infected by watching this.

0/10