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弱水,若风(6)

March 29th, 2009 6 comments

【虚构】

五道口。

倪冬许久没有在这里出没了,那是学生时代他曾向往而无力消费的“小资地带”,毕业后却立即意识到那里是学生气十足真正小资不会出现的地带。在雕刻时光咖啡馆,生意出乎意料的好,3楼竟然没有了位子,更不消说他心仪的靠窗的可以静看人来人往的位子。于是他才发现,原来这里是有四楼的。

来这里的缘由是,要见大学的一个朋友,一个毅然选择了要把清华的牢底坐穿的热爱知识的在读博士。人总是自圆其说,倪冬选择了本科毕业工作,于是一路上的所有遭遇,他都变成了印证自己当初选择正确的依据,无论是正面的宝贵经验还是负面的宝贵教训,都可以为他所用成为说服自己的道理。因为工作四海为家,他说是开阔视野。因为工作丢掉了一份爱情,他说是成长教育。因为工作积累了陋习险些垮掉了身体,他说是学会珍爱自己。无论如何,他的路是对的,因此他是对的,他过得好,不比任何人差。

朋友惯性地迟到了。倪冬在因为空间狭小而周围有人吸烟于是烟雾缭绕的雕刻时光的四楼,大脑里也如此这般啰嗦地回忆着大学时光。

最近这段时间,他回忆颇多。不仅仅是大学的生活,甚至更早,更久远,仿佛远古时期的事情。真正小的时候,他时常觉得,往昔仿佛都是昨天的事情,童年的每个片段都如此清晰任其思绪采撷。那些琐碎的小事,是他记忆的全部,他不会懂得有一天自己竟会挣扎于记起初恋的种种细节,那是那时的他所无法想象的。

然而如今却会这样,他会想不起自己校园时代暗恋了五年的女生,他是如何暗恋的,他为什么会暗恋,而暗恋到最后他为何鼓足了勇气去表白,而如何无厘头地被心中的女神拒绝,乃至他为何会在那个时刻瞬间选择了放弃而没有再鼓足勇气追上个三五八年。他知道自己的这几近于前半生的二十多年时光里,自己经历了许多无厘头的事件,尤其在感情上,然而,一向以挖掘生活中的趣味为乐的他,竟猛然意识到,这许多经典片段,自己却回忆不来了。

于是他最近常常回忆,用背GRE单词的精神与方法论来妄图抵御时间的洗礼。

******

我最近常常回忆。

我的脑子里不知何时冒出了一个命题,“我曾喜欢过的每一个女生,我当时为什么喜欢她?”我决定用咨询顾问的钻研精神去分析这个问题,用最先进的工业心理学方法论来窥视我自己的内心,从而明白我是怎样的消费者,我的决策流程是如何的,我的非理性行为有哪些,我的关键条件是什么,好让以情感为卖点的消费品与服务公司,能够更好地找到针对我的营销施力点,大幅提升对我的营销投入的ROI(投资回报)。我便是这样的一心一意地时刻不忘为客户创造价值。

然而要回答这个问题,我却需回答一个更本源的问题,“我第一个喜欢的女生是谁?我是什么时候喜欢上她的?”我于是惊恐地发现,我竟然回答不了这个问题。倘若没有起点,我怎能毫无遗漏地分析每个案例呢?这好比老板要我计算5年的复合增长率,然而客户5年前的那一年的销售收入我并不知道。我可以计算4年复合增长率,我可以计算3年复合增长率,但我决计计算不了5年复合增长率。

大概不是幼儿园。那么,是小学吗?如果是的话,是Z城市的小学,还是E城市的小学,或是B城市的小学?是小学里那个漂亮的但是泼辣的总欺负我的女生,还是那个像神一样存在的永恒的班级第一?

是初中吗(断然不是高中,因为我长达五年的暗恋始于初中)?是中学里的哪一个?是哪一年,哪一节课,怎样的一个片段,我“爱”上了她?

这个问题太本源,简单得太过深刻,我猜想很多男生都会自认为自己必然会答案脱口而出然而事实上无法回答,就好像问他“你第一次梦遗的经历是怎样的?”或者“你是什么时候明白了什么是性?”,都是简单之极于是被岁月雕琢成了十分哲学因而根本难以回答的问题。

既然技巧性的逻辑推理行不通,我于是转而采用“万金油”的穷举法,并满足于生产效率的提升,因为在经历了刚才的思维活动,大脑果然灵活了很多,就好比冬天里开车,总要好好热车方才好开。

我回忆起了幼年的我在教室里,一直试图通过表盘的倒影去看同桌的脸。后来,还是这个女生,不再是同桌,坐得离我很远,我某一节百无聊赖的课上发呆,右臂支着脑袋看着她,一直看,一直看,直到她转过头来与我四目相接,我才意识到自己一直怔怔地看着她——于是赶紧闪躲她的目光。——这个女生,她现在在哪里,过着怎样的生活?

我回忆起某一个懵懂年岁的我,跳学生的集体舞,那种一直换舞伴的集体舞,总会有一个片段,我喜欢的那个女生会转到我的身边,握住我的手。有一次,不知怎的,几个男生一起捉弄她,不论谁都会对她做鬼脸或是做别的怎样的事,她则很开心地报复着我们。轮到了我,我顽皮地用力捏她的手,挑衅的眼神看她,而她则俏脸兴奋地红扑扑的亦挑衅式地笑着。——哦,难道她那时也喜欢我吗?

我回忆起又一个女生,我给她讲了好多故事,她给我讲了好多故事;我借她的圆珠笔,趁她不注意把圆珠笔芯偷偷地拿出来,把空笔杆子还给她,看她要写字的时候的洋相以及怨恨我的表情;有节课做课堂小测验她没有带新的本子,我把自己的借给她,另撕了两张纸答题。我后来曾很得意地听说她愿意嫁给我。然而许久没有谋面;很多年以后,我去找过她,又跟她聊了很久,她变了许多,我也变了许多,然而仿佛时间从来没有流动,我们依然聊得那样投缘。然而不知怎的,我竟没有再找过她,她也没有找过我,这一晃又是好多年。——她现在还愿意嫁给我吗?

我回忆起另一个女生,回想起我如何笨拙地追她,在网上旁敲侧击地暗示着我喜欢她,说“I can’t believe there isn’t a boy in this world that can make you happy”,她几句对话后突然袭击式地问我“have you made up your mind?”,我惶恐地说“what mind?”,她说“never mind.”,我心跳加速地说“I want to be the boy who can make you happy.”,她回了一个“:)”——我知道我恋爱了。

我回忆起曾经因为担心自己吃相不雅而拒绝了一个我喜欢的女生的请客,我回忆起发短信给一个女生表白被对方回复“你谁啊?”,我回忆起第一次送女孩花、第一次却不是最后一次为一个女孩哭、第一次为一个女孩失眠、第一次为一个女孩在深秋的寒风中一动不动。我回忆起玉渊潭公园樱花粉红惊艳的春、圆明园断壁残垣中绿意盛开的夏、清华主干道金黄色铺满落叶的秋、荷塘月色皑皑白雪的冬,我回忆起能让我回忆起这每一个片段的那个在我身边不在我身边我暗恋的明恋的女孩。

我回忆起我每一个喜欢过的女孩,我回忆起每一个我确定的不确定的喜欢过我的女孩。我自恋地发现感情经历匮乏的我,原来情感从来都是饱满的。我意识到原来自己并没有想象的那般空虚,从来都没有,我一直都在努力地认真地幼稚地一厢情愿地两情相悦地喜欢着这样那样的女孩,我一直都在默默无闻地声势浩大地沾沾自喜地为有朝一日能够实现学会如何疼一个女孩一辈子的光荣的伟大的高尚的肤浅的事业做准备。我笑了,既是为自己这无穷无尽的病句,也是为自己仍然有一颗童心未泯的心。

******

倪冬笑了,在雕刻时光,在博士朋友高深而专业的关于人生理想与祖国大事的讨论中,他没有听懂对方说的一个字,他不关心对方说的一个字。他意识到生活并不都是扯淡,只是自己这些年误入歧途从来都没有在正道儿上,自顾自地选择了以为不是扯淡却实实在在是扯淡的“事业”上。

从明天开始,我要轰轰烈烈地谈一次恋爱,跟戴金边眼镜的秀气可爱的林琳,他对自己说道。

【待续】

Categories: My writings Tags: ,

也无风雨也无晴

March 25th, 2009 3 comments

清晨,庸人自扰地惊醒,却难以入睡。

生活在面临又一次地抉择。不知为何,心底害怕漂泊的日子,竟有些向往素来鄙视的安逸。

愈发不懂得自己,我不是一个哲人,未曾读过多少书,心态却愈发得像隐士。读得入世的书越多,越觉得世界如此纷繁,所谓“真相”与“真理”,不过是盲人摸象般的自欺欺人。“穷则独善其身,达则兼济天下。”——既然我找不到四海皆准的“道”,不若带着我那残存的信仰隐去,做一个与世无害的人吧。

愈发不懂得自己,曾经很在意的面子与攀比,如今竟也可以泰然处之。理想中的自己,不再与“众人瞩目”、“意气风发”这样的字眼有关。自画像里的那个人,没有了炽热的眼神,仅带着淡淡微笑。是自己丢掉了拼搏与进取之心,还是懂得了欣赏风轻云淡?

愈发不懂得自己,似乎心态渐老,却偶尔于电光石火间迸发出久违了的热情。不经意间读到许久前曾过目的文字,心底会涌出绚烂的遐想,固然片刻间收住思绪,然而余音绕梁。

——可是,真的隐者又怎会心绪暗涌?

或许,我不过是依循了自欺欺人的自圆其说,为自己的不为、虚伪与颓废找出做作的借口;又或许,我不过是终于在向而立迈进。无论如何,一如既往地随遇而安。

——这些天,巧遇了两个人。

一个人,当可称得上是村上春树所言的“百分之百的女孩”,故事的情节大抵也会和那篇小说一样(“你不觉得这是个令人感伤的故事吗?”)。

另一个人,颇有几分像大学时的我,固然才情尽显,狂妄与无知亦一目了然——我没有亦无需点拨他,岁月自会尽责。

白驹过隙之后,想必他亦会明白,也无风雨也无晴。

Categories: My writings, Thoughts Tags: ,

Reading “Outliers”

March 18th, 2009 1 comment

Malcolm Gladwell’s latest best-seller, Outliers, continues to present the reader with unexpected findings in social psychology. Its aim is not to provide a deeply scientific read, but rather to entertain (and perhaps enlighten) the reader with some provocative ideas.

Mr. Gladwell’s writing is easy to apprehend, and it’s clear he is targeting the the general public. The core argument of Outliers is that success depends very much on the environment and opportunities available – this is certainly not a revolutionary idea (indeed, it’s more or less common sense), but Mr. Gladwell provides enough twists in his case studies to force us to rethink just how important this message is.

For example, certainly the most memorable example of the book is how there is a high correlation between the month of birth and a person’s probability of success as a professional athlete. Using ice hockey (and other pro-sports) as data, research has shown that some ~40% of athletes are born in the first three months of the year (and almost no athletes in the last three months of the year), which is statistically different from the general distribution observed in society. The reason? In ice hockey’s case, the cut-off date for youngsters in youth leagues is Jan 1st, and when you’re 5 or 6 years old, being older by half a year is a significant advantage over your peers (if you’re born in January, compared to someone born in the second half of the year). This means you’re much more likely to be picked by coaches (who believe you are a better player), and get better training and more practice – and as a result, you do become a better player. A self-fulfilling prophecy at work.

The insight in this example is that an arbitrary decision (setting the cut-off date at Jan 1st) has led to a discrimination of sorts. People born in Q3 and Q4 are significantly disadvantaged, but people hardly ever recognize this.

Mr. Gladwell goes on to use other examples, such as research in education, to emphasize how important it really is to provide equal opportunity. While the points that he advocates are nothing new, his examples do shed some new light on how to think about certain issues. And in an unexpectedly personal epilogue, Mr. Gladwell invokes his own family story to drive the point home. It is a very moving finale, which to some extent raises this book above mediocrity.

Categories: Books Tags:

Reading “The Constitution of Liberty”

March 17th, 2009 No comments

Warning: this is going to be a post about a fundamentally huge topic where I can’t possibly elaborate my ideas in a coherent and organized structure. It will likely be a rambling long post as I struggle to capture the main takeaways of my reading exercise.

Since last year, I’ve been spending bits and pieces of my time reading Hayek’s The Constitution of Liberty. This is purely a leisurely interest on my part – I didn’t study political philosophy in college, and have only had brief encounters with the topic, in a hopelessly random fashion.

In college, I had read The Road to Serfdom, in Chinese, partly because I was intrigued by its reputation to have disproved the feasibility (and desirability) of socialism from an (pure) economics perspective. The central premise of that book, if I may summarize as such, is that without a free market, society loses the most important input – price – to allocate capital efficiently to generate social progress. Of course, the arguments in that book go beyond this one single point (without economic freedom there can be no liberty, etc.).

In The Constitution of Liberty, Hayek ambitiously attempts to summarize his whole thinking in one book. The school of thought is now commonly termed Neoliberalism, but at the time of his writing, Hayek struggled to find the right phrase to attach himself to – he felt that the meaning of liberalism has been twisted beyond redemption, and he was inclined to use Whiggism, or Libertarianism.

While this obsession with words may seem trivial, it actually highlights my first takeaway. Hayek painstakingly spends the length of the whole Part I (the book is in three parts) to delve into the definitions of basic concepts, such as liberty, coercion, and the rule of law. In Hayek’s view, the concept of “liberty” has been so broadened over time, that the word itself is meaningless – and to discuss what being a “liberal” encompasses, he has to restate what liberty is. Indeed, many times parties engaged in animated debate over hot topics hardly ever realize that they are using the same phrase to mean radically different things – and if we are to ever achieve clarity in thought, we must get the basics right first.

Of course, the book is not a mere discussion of linguistics and the origin of words. The purpose of Hayek’s review of history is to show how these fundamental concepts came into being, and also present his philosophical view that the systems (democracy, etc.) which society operate on are not created, but summarized or discovered. He opposes the French Rationalist tradition where people believe they can create ideal systems through rational thought (such as the failed socialism movement, in its 19th century original sense) – Hayek views such tendencies with high suspicion, as he believes that they are prone to fall to the shortcomings of man and destroy the most important values (such as liberty) which history has given us. (I feel my description here omits some important points… though I can’t really recall them and can only humbly suggest reading the book if you’re interested in this discussion.)

The most central topic of the book is what is the Rule of Law which will guarantee liberty, and prevent individuals from the “arbitrary coercion” which is the biggest danger to liberty. Hayek lists a few key principles and characteristics of a true Law, perhaps the most important of which (or the one which we have discarded the most) being that laws should not be arbitrary. What this means is that legislators should not be allowed to pass whatever laws they wish (even if they hold majority support of the people) – these laws must conform with a higher set of basic law (the Constitution) which cannot be easily modified. Otherwise this would simply be despotism of the majority, leading to the arbitrary coercion of minorities.

In Part I & II, Hayek elaborates these principles and their historical context, as well as more recent developments which he believes have undermined the Rule of Law. In Part III, he shifts to policy debates, using the principles established to scrutinize a range of public policy issues, from the progressive tax system to public housing and education. Hayek expresses his profound concerns on the developments in these areas – for example, according to his interpretation of the Rule of Law, the progressive tax system is fundamentally flawed, in that it is a classic case of arbitrary coercion – the majority deciding what discriminative tax rates a minority (the rich, in this case) should pay. He argues that such populist legislations, which are founded upon a wish for distributive justice and a non-existent (or arbitrary) set of moral standards, are a direct infringement of liberty.

The problem, however, is that in such specific cases people ignore the larger principles at work. Most people support progressive tax rates, as it is “fair”; if the underlying principle that the majority can rule over any minority in any way it wishes is applied in other scenarios, we may well find a bitter taste in our mouths. Hayek’s concern is that such arbitrary legislation (however benign their specific intentions may be) opens the door to such abuse – man is inherently weak and corrupt, and we cannot rely on morals to pass judgment on every arbitrary law.

Hayek notes that from a practical politics perspective, once the floodgates have been opened, it is difficult to go back. Progressive tax systems, where they have been introduced, are here to stay. He is most concerned how in this process, people have forgotten or misinterpreted the fundamental principles of society, posing a major risk going forward.

As a closing note, it is probably not news that Neoliberalism is not so popular these days. The philosophy is understandably suffering a major backlash due to the financial crisis. However, this does not render Hayek’s arguments moot. I think the fundamental principles that he passionately defends are still very relevant, and especially in times of uncertainty, we should be extra wary of being swayed by short-sighted considerations.

Categories: Books Tags:

The Hustler (1961)

March 16th, 2009 No comments

In a nutshell, The Hustler, and its sequel – The Color of Money twenty-odd years later, are films about the relationships among a talented but immature young man, his love interest, and the seasoned veteran who exploits / trains the young man’s talent.

Of course, this is a serious over-generalization; still, it would be interesting to compare the two films, a quarter of a century apart, not the least because of Paul Newman, who stars in the same role in both films.

What to me was most impressive about The Hustler was the opening. The charismatic Mr. Newman – and boy does he appear so young! – captures the audience effortlessly, with that big and almost childish (but nonetheless potently charming)  smile. If I were female I would probably have fallen for Mr. Newman at that instant – and by saying so I am probably already revealing too much of my fondness for this actor.

But of course, the film would not be a classic if it were simply a stage for Mr. Newman’s sex appeal. And the light humor of the film’s opening is deceptive, in that the rest of this 135 minute film is decidedly somber.

Mr. Newman, who plays “Fast” Eddie Felson, is a talented young pool hustler – that is, he makes money by playing and gambling at the pool table. When he losses an opportunity to beat Minnesota Fats, who is “the best player” in the country, he is determined to stick around until he has enough money to challenge Fats again. In the process, he hooks up with a mysterious young girl named Sarah (Piper Laurie, in an Oscar-nominated role), and seeks out a sly gambler / bookmaker (Bert, played by George C. Scott) to help him raise money.

Eddie’s relationship with Sarah is a fragile one – both do not talk about their respective histories, and at face value their relationship seems to be blank besides the physical pleasures. However underneath the silence is their obvious and straightforward affection for each other, and you get the sense that, despite their past pains, and the uncertainties ahead, this young couple is willing to risk their hearts for love.

The film is clever in setting up this fragile relationship first, and then insert Bert the semi-antagonist into the picture, thus changing the dynamics. Sarah appears to see through Bert, and vice versa; Eddie, on the other hand, is desperate enough to be willingly exploited. The film’s climax is presented when Eddie is forced to make a choice.

As someone else commented, the brilliance of The Hustler is how it directs the audience. For almost two whole hours, the audience eagerly awaits the rematch between Eddie and Fats, and all the while we have probably already developed various scenarios of how it would look like in our heads – but by the time it does happen, the film has already turned in another direction, and while the rematch is as we had expected, we have been taught a bigger lesson – that there are more things to life than winning and losing.

8/10

Categories: Films Tags:

The Reader (2008)

March 10th, 2009 5 comments

Had I seen the trailer for The Reader earlier, I would certainly have watched this film much much earlier also. The trailer captures so much of the essence of this film – a struggle of the mind, heart, conscience, morality, justice… It’s a deeply provoking film.

Besides the usual praise lavished on the excellent story and the superb performances, there are two points I would like to discuss regarding this film.

The first is regarding the pivotal line “societies think they operate by morality… but they don’t – they operate by law.” Indeed, the love relationship of the film’s two leading characters aside, this is certainly one of the film’s core messages. The teacher further goes on to comment on some of the specific principles – laws should not be retroactive, i.e. a person should only be judged by the laws in place at the time of his act. While the film does not explicitly advocate it, it seems quite clear that Hanna is not guilty if we employ this train of thought.

Which brings us back to the original line itself. As I have recently been reading The Constitution of Liberty, I couldn’t help but relate to Hayek’s core arguments presented in that book regarding the Rule of Law. As Hayek argues, society’s sincere but arbitrary wish for “justice” and “morality” only results in arbitrary coercion of individuals (and hence infringement upon the people’s freedom), since there does not exist any solid guidelines of what is moral and what is not. Hanna’s situation in the film is certainly a very good example for discussing this issue – perhaps she is guilty of negligence in work, but guilty of murder? Certainly it seems that society’s wish for moral justice has in this case led to an arbitrary verdict against the principles of the Rule of Law – the consequence of which is that if such arbitrariness is accepted as norm, then society would lose its protection of freedom.

The second point, and a much lighter topic than the above discussion of liberalism (which, by the way, I strongly recommend reading Hayek’s work itself if you’re interested), is regarding the music in this film. Generally speaking, I’m sort of a fan for minimalistic soundtracks – I think it’s brilliant if a film can sway the audience without resorting to theatrical scores to stimulate the senses, (for example No Country for Old Men, where no music was used but the film was thoroughly chilling and nerve-racking). However in The Reader‘s case, I’ve been absolutely won over by Nico Muhly’s score. It is heartbreakingly beautiful, and it seems to be singing out the unsaid emotions of the characters. Magnificently done.

Combining these elements together – the intriguing story, the question of political philosophies, and the beautiful score – and you have a film close to masterpiece.

9/10

Categories: Films Tags:

非诚勿扰 (2008)

March 1st, 2009 No comments

很落后时代地刚刚补看了冯小刚的新作。看的时候,我脑子里一直想着的是另外一部电影,和一本书。

那部电影是冯小刚90年代初编剧的作品,《大撒把》。男主演也是葛优,女主演是徐帆。大约4年前的这个时候,我在电视上看到了这部作品,很受感动,当时还写了个小评论。一部非常有诚意的喜剧,爱情与当时出国潮的现实的冲突与挣扎是电影的主题。

一本书,则是《挪威的森林》。爱情与死亡,是那本书的主题。

之所以一直会联想到这样两部作品,是因为《非诚勿扰》在我看来是二者的结合。影片前半部分,葛优征婚的种种插科打诨式的小幽默,虽然占足了戏份与观众的注意力,但是却是居于次位的,影片的主旨是在反映生活中爱情让位于现实的无奈以及感情的变质变味。总的说来,《非诚勿扰》的幽默趋于低调的(除却首尾呼应的范伟),譬如说影片开头字幕阶段的那个长镜头,一直跟随一位时尚美女在餐厅里,字幕打完,我们却发现这位美女不是找秦奋的。这样,秦奋征婚的各种搞笑遭遇,都采用了比较平实的处理,既赢得了观众的笑声,又保证了秦奋与笑笑的关系占据了情节的主导。

影片后半部分,场景移到日本,喧闹的幽默戏更少,除却教堂太小容不下秦奋的罪恶那段,剩下的无论是庙里遭遇日本黑社会,还是“四姐妹”,都仅仅是让人会心一笑。随之而来的,是感情戏的升温,是《挪威的森林》般的关于爱情与死亡的论述。

贯穿影片的大量远景镜头,似是对一种唯美风格的追求,亦表达了对于能够脱离现实俗套的爱情的向往,带有出世色彩。冯导最终善良地选择了给观众一个喜剧结尾,只是不知道,现实中有无这样的情节?

8/10

Categories: Films, 中国电影 Tags: ,